Gut Punch!

There really is no other way to accurately describe what will probably be the most painful time of your life. If you thought getting divorced hurt – and it does – a Restraining Order (Order of Protection) is even worse. It can hurt relationships, build mistrust, cost you certain rights, and even lead to criminal charges. But you will survive it, as long as you remember a few key things.

An OP – as an Order of Protection is lovingly referred to – can apply to either spouse/partner/parent but is most often adjudicated against the husband/father during a divorce/separation proceeding and possibly beyond. (See this post – Orders of Protection – Sheild or Sword?) It can restrain you from contacting, being within a specified distance from, or defaming your (soon-to-be ex) spouse/partner, which makes everything more difficult. Such an Order can also restrain you from spending time with or contacting your children. This is the one that really hurts and can prove truly detrimental to your future relationship with your child.

With all of that said, we ask for Protection Orders / Restraining Orders just as often as we defend against them. The most important thing is to keep everyone safe in what is often a very volatile situation. Tensions and emotions are running high and hot and no one wants it to get any worse. OP’s play an important part in giving the parties time and space to gain perspective and reorganize their lives.

So, what do you do if there is a restraining order against you?

1. Do exactly – and we mean EXACTLY! – what the order says you have to do or, even more importantly, don’t do what you can’t do. We’ll fight to make sure that the restraining order is written as clearly as possible, to protect you from unfair accusations and actions. If the order says that you can’t contact your spouse/partner, DON’T contact them. In any way other than how the Order says you can. Reach out with a quick question? No. Text just to find out about the schedule? Nope. Have your sister call them and ask them a question for you? Not a chance.

When in doubt, call us first and we’ll tell you what you should do and then we’ll reach out to their attorney to get the answer you need.

2. Document, document, document. That means writing down everything that happens – all the time – when you have any contact with your partner or your children. You’re carrying a camera and a recording device with you all the time – your phone – so make sure you have proof that you did everything right. Take pictures, take videos, and record any and all conversations. In Missouri, you only need one party (you) to consent to being filmed/recorded. That’s huge and you need to take advantage of that. Even things that seem like no big deal can be used against you. Make sure you have proof that you’re following the rules!

3. Don’t be fooled by their sweetness. A common tactic in these situations is for your partner to call you and act like they want to see you, in violation of the restraining order. You fall for it, go to meet them, and you get arrested for violating the order. The person who is being protected by the order DOES NOT have the ability to release you from the order. Only the court can do that. If your partner contacts you and tries to lure you into meeting them, you are being trapped and you’ll probably get arrested. Document the incident and call us right away.

4. Don’t bad mouth your partner. This one applies mainly to a parent who is restricted from seeing their children under court or relative supervision. You shouldn’t ever bad mouth the child’s other parent – for the mental and emotional health of the child and for your future relationship with them – and this is often prohibited in an order.

5. Swallow your pride. Protection Orders always seem unfair and, often, they are. But the court sided with your partner on this one, and you have to live with it. Every OP has a term to it, so it will EVENTUALLY In nearly every case, you will get back to (new) normal life and won’t be subjected to the gut punch that is a restraining order…unless you don’t follow the rules of the OP. Then things will probably go pretty hard for you.

These are just a few of the do’s and don’ts of surviving a restraining order. Remember that a restraining order is not only to protect the other party, but also to test you – can you follow the rules of the court? The choice is yours. Prove that you can follow all of the court’s rules from the OP and you will have a much easier time when it comes to the actual divorce – especially as it concerns physical custody of your children. Break the rules and the consequences can keep hurting for a very long time.

Don’t lose sight of the goal – surviving the restraining order, getting divorced, and moving on with your life. Markwell Law will help you every step of the way.

We’re in this together, all the way to the end.

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